| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2009|11:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Coldplay: swallowed in the sea | ] |
I feel like the guy in 500 Days of Summer.
My heart is completely broken. Today is only day one.. the hardest one there is.
I'm so scared and so sad and so alone. And he is fine, gone, "happy."
It's not that we fell out of love. It's just that we could never ever make it work.. No matter how much love there is sometimes it's just not enough.
"You cut me down a tree
&brought it back to me
&that's what made me see
Where I was going wrong
You put me on a shelf
&kept me for yourself
I can only blame myself
You can only blame me
&I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
&you belong to me
&I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost &then get found
Or swallowed in the sea
You put me on a line
&hung me out to dry
&darling that's when I
Decided to go to see you
You cut me down to size
&opened up my eyes
Made me realize
What I could not see
&I could write a book
The one they'll say that shook
The world, &then it took
It took it back from me
&I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost &then get found
&you'll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea
&could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
&you belong with me
The streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well, that's where I belong
&you belong with me
Oh what good is it to live
With nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive
Not loving all you see
Oh the streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well that's where I belong
&you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
You belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
Yeah, you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2009|06:28 pm] |
excited for halloween and deannas black and white bday party.
Workin' every day except for Wednesdays. Been going to birthing classes w/ Jes on those days but there's only one left. I dont mind going w/ her but a girl needs a day off!
School everyday besides sat sun
work work work |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|11:54 am] |
Last night I had a dream I was in a hospital but it was really a jail and i tried to escape but I got caught.
But before that I was in the woods with John. I was telling him how I planned to get him tattooed on my leg. Then all of a sudden he tattooed something on my leg it was a pic of 3 little kids. then we were walking in the woods and I saw a white cross and asked if he was ever going to get buried so I could visit him.
In my dreams I am very aware he is not living but I still talk to him like he is. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2009|11:34 pm] |
Our battles are repetitious
if not broken poetry
&maybe that's the attraction
that you're as self-absorbed as me
You jumped to the conclusion &landed on my chest
Now how am I supposed to make you see
I’ll just write this down with hopes that you'll understand
I will no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man
&while I kissed your face you'll know that I will no longer apologize for your former lovers' mistakes
My past is mine to keep
Now who are you to question me
Perhaps, someday you'll learn
too bad it's not our turn
You jumped to the conclusion &landed on my chest
Now how am I supposed to make you see
I'll just write this down with hopes that you'll understand
I will no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man
And while I kissed your face you'll know that I will no longer apologize for your former lovers' mistakes
You set the standard for my future
You set the standard for my future (lovers)
I'll just write this down with hopes that you'll understand
I can no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man
&as I kiss your face you'll know that I will no longer apologize for you former lovers mistakes
I will write this down
Former lovers' mistakes |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2009|05:06 pm] |
I am SO glad someone from my livejournal has been taking my private friends only pictures from livejournal and posting them on the 515 crew scene sluts page since april.
Thanks! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2009|04:18 pm] |
I don't dream about you anymore.
She is a beautiful, nice girl. But I still don't like her because i felt like I could never be her and I always felt like that was where you heart was at.
I'm happy but still envious. Its been four years.
four years strong.. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2009|11:11 am] |
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I feel like someone ripped out my heart, put it in a blender, fed it back to me and now i have mad heather disease. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2009|07:42 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cold | ] |
im just so fucking depressed
i just cant seem to get out this slump
if i could just get over this hump
but i need something to pull me out this dump
i took my bruises took my lumps
fell down & i got right back up
but i need that spark to get psyched back up
and in order for me to pick the mic back up
i dont know how or why or when
i ended up this position im in
im started to feel dissin again
so i decided just to pick this pen
up and try to make an attempt to vent
but i just cant admit
or come to grips the fact that i may be done with rap
i need a new outlet
and i know some shits so hard to swallow
but i cant just sit back and wallow
in my own sorrow but i know one fact
ill be one tough act to follow
one tough act to follow
ill be one tough act to follow
here today gone tomorrow but you'd have to walk a thousand miles
in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what id be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside eachothers minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through eachothers eyes
it dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
i think im starting to lose my sense of humor
everythings so tense and gloom
i almost fee like i gotta check the temperature of the room just as soon as i walk in
its like all eyes on me i try to avoid any eye contact
cuz if i do that then it opens the door for conversation like i want that
im not looking for extra attention i just want to be just like you
blend in with the rest of the room maybe just point me to the closest restroom
i dont need no fucking man servant tryin ta follow me around and try to wipe my ass
laugh at every single joke i crack and half of them aint even funny like hahhhhh
"marshall your so funny man you should be a comedian god damn"
unfortunately i am i just hide behind the tears of a clown
so why dont you all sit downn
listen to the tale that im about to tell
hell we dont gotta trade our shoes
and you dont gotta walk no thousand miles
in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what id be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside eachothers minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through eachothers eyes
it dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
nobody asked for life to deal us with these bullshit hands we're dealt
we gotta take these cards ourselves and flip em dont expect no help
now i could have either just stayed at home sit on my ass and pissed and moaned
or take this situation with which im placed in and get up and kick my own
i was never the type of kid to wait by the door and pack his bags
and sat on the porch and hope and prayed for a dad to show up who never did
i just wanted to fit in in every single place every school i went
i dreamed of being that cool kid even if it meant acting stupid
and edna always told me keep making that face and it'll get stuck like that
meanwhile im just standing there holding my tongue trynwa twalk like dwis
then i stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign pole at 8 years old
i learned my lesson then cuz i wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
but i already told you my whole life story
not just based on my description
cuz where you see it from where your sittin its probably 110% different
i guess we would have to walk a mile in eachothers shoes at least
what size you wear? i wear tens
lets see if you can fit your feet
in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what itd be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside eachothers minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through eachothers eyes
it dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
so
it dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
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| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2009|04:26 pm] |
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Sometimes I feel like people have babies bc they are lonely and they want someone to love and to love them back just as much. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 12th, 2009|12:37 am] |
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Ifucking hate whores and fake ass people and society in general.
But who doesnt. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 11th, 2009|02:41 pm] |
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graduation parties remind me of funerals. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2009|11:36 pm] |
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This is the saddest I've been with life since John died. |
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| Up too early. School and lack of sleep is kickin my a$$ |
[Apr. 29th, 2009|06:56 am] |
MY room is a mess. And by mess I mean if I sit on my bed there are clothes, every where! If I sit on the floor I'm literally surrounded by Big Sexy, Cat Walk &Paul Mitchell.
Ohwell, it's better than be surrounded by heroin needles? yeah yeah?? |
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| "Nothing gold can stay." |
[Apr. 27th, 2009|07:48 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  determined | ] |
I'm divorced after a almost 2 yr long marriage.
I tolded him I don't like how he treats me when he's high and he asked if we were done and i told him i spose bc i think weed is too big a part of his life and he said "okay cya"
I was mopey but today is a new day.. the nights are the hardest thats all.
This is the last week of school. time to study study study!!! Then it's work a mother f-in ton. I got a lotta shit I want and I am the only who's gonna be givin it to me so I better start now.
My house, w.o a roomie itll prly cost me around 700
May, June, July my fuckin school pmts = 212?
Gym &Insurance = 80
Total of my def. bills = 1000 better get back to work so I can have atleast SOME extra spending $$ shit!
I'm going to cxl my tanning package and invest in a lawn chair
Tattoos, hair, shows
House shit
Time to start sellin some shit or somethin. |
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| ive been hearing all about you all about your disapproval still i remember the way |
[Apr. 24th, 2009|01:33 pm] |
i used to move you..
Things that make me want to puke:
-bad perms [bad hair all together]
-super light blue jeans [especially ones with no back pockets]
-butterfly tramp stamps [and tramp stams in general.]
-coke/crack whores.. [and skany ass bitches in general.]
-slicked back hair
-lip liner..
-tongue rings.. i know i had one.. key word HA
-trashy looking eye brow rings
-people groping eachother at shows.. and ppl just groping eachother anywhere at all..
more to come.. |
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| this just made my day |
[Apr. 18th, 2009|01:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  inspired | ] |
after listening to drews verbal abuse:
04.18.2009 1:02pm: Fuck u! Go get all tha dick u can get u stupid bitch,
then he called to harass me and said that every day he goes to work he has to worry about me going out on dates [which i dont/have not done?] and then he said he had to go back in so i said okay bye. then i get this text:
04.18.2009 1:10pm: Keep fuckn hangn up on me u stupid cunt. FUCK! I don't care. go get stuffed tday.
Then I checked my MySpace and had this message
Date:18 Apr 2009, 12:21 PM Body: dude, look @how grown up you are!! i can't believe i used to know you when you were a baby. i know this is random.. but, damn. i think it every time i see your new pics. you're a beautiful girl.
:)
From Lynnsey Farnsworth. Fucking weird. I didn't even realize it was her. She used to be such a role model to me when I was younger, even though she never knew that. She never knew it but she was the one who made me like mary kate and ashley, she introduced me to the song Better Man by Pearl Jam, and she was the one girl who made me feel like I could never compare to when I was dating Nick many moons ago.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2009|10:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hyper | ] |
I'm in a very bouncy hyper mood. Reading my friends page is kind of bringing me down. :[
I have to pee. I thought I'd investigate Twitter and see what it's all about.
Fucking Stupid.
Another thing that is stupid is spelling stupid like stoopid. so annoying.
I hate Easter. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2009|07:40 pm] |
I wish I could live more than one life at once.
I feel like I'm putting a lot on getting my braces off. Like I'll be a whole new person.. a prettier person. I'm pretty sure I will be greatly disappointed after they do come off but we'll see.. |
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| I'm head of the class I'm popular I'm a quarterback I'm popular My mom says I'm a catch I'm popular |
[Mar. 17th, 2009|10:27 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Nada Surf: popular | ] |
I remember late nights.
I remember ALWAYS listening to music. Any music. All music. New music.
I remember shows.
I remember black zip up hoods.
I remember 10/12 youth medium band tees that weren't form fitting at all.
I remember band patches and buttons.
I remember no responsibilities.
I remember not working everyday.
I remember bitching about wanting to be 18.
I remember you.
I remember being a child.
Can anyone remember the name of this movie? Its bothering me
"3 important rules for breaking up
Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don't make a big production
Don't make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt &rejected
Even if you've gone together for only a short time,
&haven't been too serious,
There's still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she preferres the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if you're honest, &direct,
&avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
&honestly he'll appreciate the kind of straight forward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he's a real jerk or a cry baby you will remain friends"
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