(no subject)

Feeling very optimistic today. Talked to my dad for 40 minutes, longest conversation we've had in a long time, about christmas, family, and careers [yes, I'm already starting my xmas shopping]

This past week Josh and I have successfully gone to the gym Monday night then Tue, Wed, Thur, and Fri morning before I had to be at work at 8am

I've come to terms that no true savings will be able to start until 2011 because I have taxes to finish paying, a bill due to my old apartment, and tags for my car along with regular life expenses like rent, car, insurance, gas, food etc &christmas coming up but I have an awesome boyfriend who helps with finances if I needed it, who brings down my stress level, and is the best support system I've ever had.

It makes me wonder why I spent so much time with someone like Drew when there was someone out there like Josh? But I do not regret it. I appreciate Drew SO much for the life lessons I have learned from him. If anything if I were to ever see him again I'd thank him.

(no subject)

I feel like the guy in 500 Days of Summer.

My heart is completely broken. Today is only day one.. the hardest one there is.

I'm so scared and so sad and so alone. And he is fine, gone, "happy."

It's not that we fell out of love. It's just that we could never ever make it work.. No matter how much love there is sometimes it's just not enough.


"You cut me down a tree
&brought it back to me
&that's what made me see
Where I was going wrong

You put me on a shelf
&kept me for yourself
I can only blame myself
You can only blame me

&I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
&you belong to me

&I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost &then get found
Or swallowed in the sea

You put me on a line
&hung me out to dry
&darling that's when I
Decided to go to see you

You cut me down to size
&opened up my eyes
Made me realize
What I could not see

&I could write a book
The one they'll say that shook
The world, &then it took
It took it back from me

&I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost &then get found
&you'll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea

&could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
&you belong with me

The streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well, that's where I belong
&you belong with me

Oh what good is it to live
With nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive
Not loving all you see

Oh the streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well that's where I belong
&you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea

You belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
Yeah, you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea

  • Current Music
    Coldplay: swallowed in the sea

(no subject)

excited for halloween and deannas black and white bday party.

Workin' every day except for Wednesdays.  Been going to birthing classes w/ Jes on those days but there's only one left.  I dont mind going w/ her but a girl needs a day off!

School everyday besides sat sun

work work work

(no subject)

Last night I had a dream I was in a hospital but it was really a jail and i tried to escape but I got caught.

But before that I was in the woods with John. I was telling him how I planned to get him tattooed on my leg. Then all of a sudden he tattooed something on my leg it was a pic of  3 little kids. then we were walking in the woods and I saw a white cross and asked if he was ever going to get buried so I could visit him.

In my dreams  I am very aware he is not living but I still talk to him like he is.

(no subject)

Our battles are repetitious
if not broken poetry
&maybe that's the attraction
that you're as self-absorbed as me

You jumped to the conclusion &landed on my chest
Now how am I supposed to make you see

I’ll just write this down with hopes that you'll understand
I will no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man
&while I kissed your face you'll know that I will no longer apologize for your former lovers' mistakes

My past is mine to keep
Now who are you to question me
Perhaps, someday you'll learn
too bad it's not our turn

You jumped to the conclusion &landed on my chest
Now how am I supposed to make you see

I'll just write this down with hopes that you'll understand
I will no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man
And while I kissed your face you'll know that I will no longer apologize for your former lovers' mistakes

You set the standard for my future
You set the standard for my future (lovers)

I'll just write this down with hopes that you'll understand
I can no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man
&as I kiss your face you'll know that I will no longer apologize for you former lovers mistakes

I will write this down
Former lovers' mistakes

(no subject)

I am SO glad someone from my livejournal has been taking my private friends only pictures from livejournal and posting them on the 515 crew scene sluts page since april.

Thanks!

(no subject)

I don't dream about you anymore.

She is a beautiful, nice girl. But I still don't like her because i felt like I could never be her and I always felt like that was where you heart was at.

I'm happy but still envious. Its been four years.

four years strong..

(no subject)


im just so fucking depressed
i just cant seem to get out this slump
if i could just get over this hump
but i need something to pull me out this dump
i took my bruises took my lumps
fell down & i got right back up
but i need that spark to get psyched back up

and in order for me to pick the mic back up

i dont know how or why or when
i ended up this position im in
im started to feel dissin again
so i decided just to pick this pen
up and try to make an attempt to vent
but i just cant admit
or come to grips the fact that i may be done with rap
i need a new outlet

and i know some shits so hard to swallow
but i cant just sit back and wallow
in my own sorrow but i know one fact
ill be one tough act to follow
one tough act to follow
ill be one tough act to follow
here today gone tomorrow but you'd have to walk a thousand miles

in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what id be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside eachothers minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through eachothers eyes

it dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you

i think im starting to lose my sense of humor
everythings so tense and gloom
i almost fee like i gotta check the temperature of the room just as soon as i walk in
its like all eyes on me i try to avoid any eye contact
cuz if i do that then it opens the door for conversation like i want that

im not looking for extra attention i just want to be just like you
blend in with the rest of the room maybe just point me to the closest restroom
i dont need no fucking man servant tryin ta follow me around and try to wipe my ass
laugh at every single joke i crack and half of them aint even funny like hahhhhh
"marshall your so funny man you should be a comedian god damn"
unfortunately i am i just hide behind the tears of a clown
so why dont you all sit downn
listen to the tale that im about to tell
hell we dont gotta trade our shoes
and you dont gotta walk no thousand miles

in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what id be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside eachothers minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through eachothers eyes
it dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you

nobody asked for life to deal us with these bullshit hands we're dealt
we gotta take these cards ourselves and flip em dont expect no help
now i could have either just stayed at home sit on my ass and pissed and moaned
or take this situation with which im placed in and get up and kick my own

i was never the type of kid to wait by the door and pack his bags
and sat on the porch and hope and prayed for a dad to show up who never did
i just wanted to fit in in every single place every school i went
i dreamed of being that cool kid even if it meant acting stupid
and edna always told me keep making that face and it'll get stuck like that
meanwhile im just standing there holding my tongue trynwa twalk like dwis
then i stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign pole at 8 years old
i learned my lesson then cuz i wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
but i already told you my whole life story
not just based on my description
cuz where you see it from where your sittin its probably 110% different

i guess we would have to walk a mile in eachothers shoes at least
what size you wear? i wear tens
lets see if you can fit your feet

in my shoes, just to see
what its like, to be me
ill be you, lets trade shoes
just to see what itd be like
to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside eachothers minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through eachothers eyes
it dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
so
it dont matter saying you aint beautiful
they can all get fucked just stay true to you
  • Current Mood
    cold cold